Honestly

How am i now?
Dont even ask, really..
I've been thinking a lot..
I failed my STPM..
i lost my confidence..
I have no direction..
I dont know what the hell i want to retake STPM..
And even if i did pass my STPM, what course will i be taking?
I disappointed my family..
I wasted my time fooling around..
I dont know what am i waiting for..
I'm proud to see you friends get the offer to enter local U..
I'm not sad that i didnt get it as i've already knew i wont be that lucky..
As time passed, i started to have second thought about retaking..
What if i enter private U now? Would that be ok?
But what course will i take?
What's my interest? I doubt i have one..
I dont mind wasting the RM200 i've paid for retaking..
I just dont like the idea of me living this life with no purpose..
What if i just get out and start working? Will that be a waste for me?
I feel so useless...
The more i think about it, the more i'm afraid to live..
What if i study now? Will i make it through STPM? I think it's bullshit..
I knew some will tell me "at least you know the answer to a few questions".. So save it..
So if i give up retaking, what course should i pursue?
Finance? NO. Account? NO. Business? NO. Journalism? NO. Photography? NO. Psychology? NO.
i'm just not good enough for anything..
My maths is terrible, my art is horrible, my language is just simply acceptable, my business brain is hopeless, my creativity ordinary..
So hard to even pick a course i like..
Don't ask me again what's my interest... There's simply no suitable answer for it..
So lost... So aimless.. So chaotic...
I just wish my life can be a little more like yours... And a little less like garbage...
How nice if death can solve everything, but sadly no..
Crazy plans can only be carried out in my dream.. Such a waste..
Many times i've wished i would go insane when i wake up in the morning... Or even diagnosed with some kind of deadly disease.. yeah right, that is if life is about what you wish is what you get..
I'm really ashamed of myself.. I think i'm a shame for my family, actually..
Where do i get all this negative mindset? From whom i inherit all this bad stuff? Consequence of doing bad things, perhaps?
I've done quite a few wrongs to quite a few people.. This is my punishment?
I'm getting tired asking the same questions to myself for the past few years...
I don't even feel like living right now..
Where should i belong? Rehab? Asylum? Hell?
Very fucked up now...
*sigh* ~~~~

<< secrets within >>

this is the time..
this is what i've prepared for..
i deserve for the degree of my preparedness..
if this is what i get for my little preparation, then i'm really satisfied..
now i know if i am really ready for it, i can do way better than this...
so it's just my laziness..
well... now that i've ruined my future, i don't know what i'm supposed to do next..
my path ahead is so darn foggy...
i can't see a thing..
what should i study?
where should i go?
feels like i keep using my mum's money and time..
so nonindependent... 
i think she won't mind anything if i can earn money for myself and also give her some pocket money...
but now who the heck wants to hire me?
who wants this kind of shitty result?
nobody accepts a cgpa 1.9 ...
but it's been an adventure of a lifetime..
done so many things i didn't dreamed before..
when i look back to this small journey i had, i'm sure i will have a good smile at it..
stupid yet funny..
i don't want to ruin your life...
you can go to a better place..
have a better life..
i just can't bear to let you waste away all your hard work..
for now, a one way road ahead will require a whole lot of luck and fate...
i sure wish there's no junction for us...
but if there is... then we are running out of time..
feels like this chapter of my life is like one of the movies' plot....
reached a small climax now..
wonder when's the next one will be..
i hope it considers you too..

**P/S : It might not be the one you've been guessing. ^^ **

MUET Band 5

Retake and got BAND 5!!

omg!!!

its so damn unbelievable!!!

my eyes really was wide open when i saw dis on9 wey~~

from band 3 to band 5....

End Of Another War

i noe its too late bt i stil gonna say it...
STPM IS OVER!!!!
hahahaha....
no nid to worry bout it... nw jz nid to wait for d result...


it sounds wrong bt i don hav plans on d last day of STPM...
hw weird~~~
haih..... shud go sumwhr lepak n stuff bt dis time i din do anything at all...
>< wat a way to wrap up stpm....


den after dat it was PROM NIGHT!!!
not dat i look forward to it bt i did pay for it no??
so i din purposely go n buy new fancy dress n shoes..
jz wear watever i had.... save money kononnya la~~ haha...


it was fun....
lots of dancing... lots of ppl...
d oni thing dat i cant let go is d food....
DAMN INEDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yuks~~~!


since nt so excited bout prom...
i jz take my time to enjoy wat ppl wear...
lots of nice dress.... nice~~
n so many couples!! gonna hav diabetes ady~~~ =D


ntg much to do now....
feels like so................... disconnected...
dono wat to do...
stand not sit not.... haih~~~


nw jz waiting for time to cum....
wasting time wit frens....
disobeying mum a bit...
sneak out alot!!! hehe

Weird Conman

i think conman r supposed to be smart n intelligent n very very informative...
sumhw msia's conman r jz very nt up to dat standard..
mayb thr r a few smart ones... bt i think mostly r jz a bunch of un-pro conman...
come on la... at least learn a bit tactic n techniques from all d dramas n movies la....


dun go ruin d conman reputation...
dos pro conman in drama usually investigate their victim 1st b4 they take action u noe...
they dun jz go n create a very unbelievable story n expect us to fall into d trap...
haih~~ these r evidence of un-pro msian conman....

First message received. Laugh die me.

Second message received. Plot is boring.

above r two annoying msg i received...

who d hell will trust d msg cuming from d weird n long number???

oh my god~~~ 

did they jz learn hw to cheat????

dey tot hp nowadays dun show d number??

or they expect reader to jz READ n dun c its from who n dey wil send them d money??

god~~!!!

really pengsan c msian conman...

in d 1st msg....

when i read dat i really swt...

i dun even hav father la...

cant u jz check my background???

dis fella really ruin d conman image....

no eye c...

dis fella is making msian conman a laughing stock....

haih~~~

if sum other victim really sent them d money...

den i shud congratulate them cz their victim buy their story....

n i dun noe wat i shud say d victim... 

stpd? dumb? no... mayb jz careless...

sorry la...

i watch too much drama...

too much non-local drama...

so im exposed to hw those PRO conman do their thing... =P

Damned STPM

yeah!!
d time has come...
d time we've been preparing for..
d time for us to...... STPM!!!!


yes!!! this is it!!!
it's here!!! it's REALLY here!!!
yeah!!! we're doing it!!
come on STPM!!!


i knew dis wil nt end well...
i knew im nt going to win dis...
but u noe wat?? THEY wanted me to do it...
THEY really tot i cud do it bt i warned THEM i cant!!!


fine!!
dis is hw its going to end..
dis is wat THEY're gonna get..
dun blame me cz THEY made me do it!!


since d very begining, i dun hav confidence in doing dis..
i knew i cant do it.. nw its making me damn emo n scared...
y do i hav to go thru dis???!!!
why why??!!! d stpd paper really dat IMPORTANT???!!!


oh god!!!
now i cant wait for d very last day of STPM...
i cant wait to b STPM-free...
i jz wanna b FREED!!!!

goddamnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<< secrets within >>

oh shit~~
what happened?

i just can't believe it..

sometimes you're just confusing me..

makes me think in the wrong direction..

can't you just stick to ONE idea?

maybe you ARE in just one stand..

and i've got it all wrong...

damn it!

time is getting shorter every second..

we don't know if that's the end of it...

of course i hate the end..

i can't really see what my life would be without you...

i think it's because i rely too much on you..

i don't want us to be apart...

cause it would be like a lamp without the light bulb..

life would be dull...

rainbow would be colorless...

food would be tasteless..

nothing goes right...

anyway, i just told you i had a weird dream..

but the way you responded is like it's nothing...

i'm truly surprised.. really out of my expectation...

and honestly, i don't want to be like that..

i'm afraid to be like that...

although sometime i might have thought to be like that, i just have to make myself not to get involve in those thing..

sometimes i really doubt where is my direction... where am i heading...

cause there are times where i ask myself am i becoming this because i don't trust them?

i think you know what i'm referring to...

but i make myself believe that i'm not interested because they aren't suitable...

i know if i choose to be the special one, you wouldn't abandon me..

cause you've got used to that picture..

that picture really led people to all kinds of places..

but do you want me to be like that?

it's not normal, you know that...

i wish something would show up and fix my messed up brain...

** P/S : Not what you think, not who you think. Save your energy on guessing, thank you. **

1st Deepavali Meal

recently hav been starbuck-ing so frequently... LOL

thnx to sumone la~~ always crave for starbucks... hahahaha
dono hw many caffeine we've been intaking jor...

feels like v own part of d share from starbucks... =P

i think it'll be hard not to recognize this logo...

DEEPAVALI DAY just passed...

KIRI invited us to his hse...

he atuali look like very desperate wan al US1 ppl to go...

hahah... he even offered his golden mouth to help us get permission from our parents... LOL

thnx bro!! u're so AWESOME!!

d food was nice....

d ppl were nice...

d hse was nice... ^^

nearly whole US1 attended.... even ex-S1 people also go~~

ntg much to say....
stil living day to day.... sleping nite by nite... 
so considered having a normal life, i guess.... hahah
bt gastric strike kinda too often now... dono y... haih~

Nasi Lemak Test

i think i've nvr been so crazy....
i do sumtime crave for nasi lemak...
bt nt until nid go try every stall one by one la...
sumhw, on d 29 Oct (Fri) me n Boey ate 5 NASI LEMAK!!!

ofc v din finish all la...
cz dat wud mean v ate 5 person meal...
whch is ridiculously impossible...
v jz taste d sambal n d rice n d egg...

in d end... v tot its a waste to jz throw it all away...
so v ate d egg, nuts, ikan bilis, n cucumber...
wat was left is jz d rice n, d sambal...
whch v consider inedible.... ><

by d way....
BREAKING NEWS~~!!!!
once upon a time i said im nt attending...
now sudenli i decided to go to our skul prom...

yea... its a very sudden decision...
dun ask me why...
i hav no clue why i wanna go..
mayb bcz 98% of my gang are atuali going... LOL

ofc i wun sudenli go all by myself...
i hav asked n they hav promised dat if i go, they go...
dat person r KENT n JEN HOU..
if sudenli they no go, i will KILL them.... (so rmb ur PROMISE o ^^)

After A Long Long While

oh my gosh!!

how long hav i nt cum here???

wow~~~

i totally abandoned it.... hahahaha

well....

its been a while now....

many things happned..

take graduation day as an example... ^^

here i am >>

i din really wanna go atually...

bt bcz v had already pay for it...

n bcz v payed RM50, so i'll jz go then....

its really boring... even my mum oso said dat...

she's d oni parents dat went among all PPU students.... *proud*
n she said dis time it totally sucks n boring....

she like it more when its in PESS... (me too!! ^^)

dis time its jz plain... PESS at least had sum performance to entertain d guest... =D

oh well....

wat can i say??

THIS IS COCHRANE...

its ntg compared to PESS... kekekeke

so after d ceremony...

me n Boey went out wit Renuka n Jia Ru to Fahrenheit 88 n Pavillion...

Renuka is LATE!!!

n evything dat went on dat day seems to b related to Renuka...

evything isnt positive for her... hahaha

so v blame evything on her...

n i made dat day as HATE RENUKA DAY~~~~ LOL

muz rmb dat.. 19th Oct.... ^^

thrs a surprising thing on my fb lately...

scarily surprise...

dun even noe hw to response to it...

shud i treat it seriusly??? or jz take it as a prank??? hmm~~~~

bt i guess many of u already knew it...

mayb its ntg new but.... dis is extreme....

i wonder wat my mum think of it when she visits my profile...

i dun even noe wat i feel about dis....

so wat u think bout dis den???

shud i laugh it off??? shud i jz cry all nite??

izit even funny?? or its a gud thing??

how how how?? ppl ady put it on fb.... haih~~~

GOD HELP ME!!!!

Boey Birthday ^^

my dearest 宝贝,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! ^^

din noe u very long...
bt noe u quite enuf...
very glad to hav u.. =D
so far... u're one of d closest fren i hav in my life.... XD

v noe each other very fast... (we're classmates duh~~ =.='')
n became close fren very fast oso.... *awkward*
almost d same background.... LOL
n d one thing v hate most.... SAME FREQUENCY~~~ ngek~~

im lucky i met u...
obviously u hav influenced me... =P
in both gud n bad ways, of course... hahaha
i think d time v spent together shud b enuf to b our sweet memories in d future... =)

anyway, happy birthday!! ^^
may al ur wish goes well...
may fortune follows u....
n i love u~~ muakzzz~~~

宝贝，生日快乐！！

You're In Deep Shit

i nvr wanted to cum n sing bad u again...

but................................

u really disappointing lar~~~~~

shit u la!!!!!

u kacau me... i oso ady let u go after i go tell evy1 about our stpd msn chats....

tot i free ady so i no nid worry....

jz stay away from u i think ady fine....

but now................ u dare kacau....................... ur clasmate again????!!!!!!!!!!

u so helpless ady.....

u really nid go die.....

CILAKA YOU!!!!!!

SHIT YOU NIA!!!!!

go tel sum1 she like you for wat??!!!!

u sot wan ar???!!!!!

ur face got dat thick anot oh??!!!!!

TAK TAU MALU!!!!!

when she told me dat time..... it was such a JOKE man!!!!!

not real de things dun simply go n tel other ppl la!!!

sumore wan go tel one of her zimui.....

u gt BRAIN anot wan??!!!!

so like kacau ppl u better becareful...

dis time u kacau one is not easy thing....

u BETTER watch out!!!

last time sing bad u stil not enuf izit???? fine.... dis time its going to be more ppl!!!!!

kononnya SHINCHAN...

puii~~~~ !!!!!

jejaskan dat kartun punya nama oni......

not i wan to b bad.... but is u cum find problem 1st.....

u sendiri cari MAUT oni....

talk dao so brainless....

wan play jiu go find some other victim to play la!!!

go play far far far away!!!! dun cum find prob n shit ur own name!!!!!

<< secrets within >>

had a really BAD day....

feels like things today are really desperate to break apart....

my beloved car.... nearly every part of it breaks into pieces...

my neck.... result from accident today.... really hurts when additional force act on it...

my beloved friend.... heartache to see our platform shaking...

i can't differentiate wrong and right....

can we just lock up everything and pretend like nothing ever happened?

i know it's impossible...

because none of us are willing to do that...

now i realized how a person you admire can really change you...

it's bullshit if you tell me you've stayed the same...

i know i've changed... and i can see i changed a lot...

under influence of you-know-who....

yeah sorry for bad planning.....

sorry for hurting you for whatever reason that suit the blank space...

sorry if i had volumed up my voice when i was trying to speak through the phone while i was in a middle of an accident...

sorry to cause you hit my car as i suddenly braked...

sorry if i act like a wood when you're together..

sorry to kill the mood...

sorry i had you worried about me...

sorry you have friends like us...

sorry i was always glue-ing you-know-who...

sorry if i did not tell you anything...

sorry if i missed the details...

sorry for the stupid gift...

sorry to let your parents scolded you...

sorry for not being concerned enough..

sorry my activities revolve along with you-know-who...

sorry to cause you so damn many troubles..

sorry i'm not the worm in your stomach...

sorry to see everyone upset..

sorry you've lost so many in terms of money, time and blood...

sorry you're angry....

sorry i don't want to see this friendship breaks...

sorry to be so apologetic...

sorry if i cared too much...

sorry if you think this is completely about you...

i hate letting go...

for me, it means that it will never be the same again...

it will never come back again...

today is my bad day...

so do you...

people always say life got its ups and downs....

this is the down part of our life....

and people also says tomorrow will be a brand new day...

that is when things start to move up....

that is when a solution is found...

whether it's a bane or a boon, you'll find out eventually...

i hope our friendship stay strong...

and i hope the next time, if i'm so lucky, involve in a car accident please don't break my neck..

the end is just around the corner...

maybe that's why i kept dreaming about you...

you're the first to be so close to me..

you're the first to get me into troubles...

you're the first when i needed something...

you're certainly the first in my list...

** P/S : Don't get my content wrong. It's continuous but it doesn't mean it's relevant. **

Accident

it was just like any other morning....

bt today, gt porridge cooked by mum last nite...

cz last nite i slept ady.... so last nite no eat dao d porridge....

so today eat in car.... while driving.... LATE AR!!!!!

so when reached LEISURE MALL at 6.50am..... jam as usual...

KANCIL in front sudenli break!!!!!!

nvm i stil can break on time...

n let me remind u... im driving wit one hand, holding a container wit porridge wit d other hand....

after 2 seconds, BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my whole container gone!!!!!

my car hit front kancil!!!!

faster find phone~~~~~

go out from car.... c car behind.......

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kemek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cilaka GEN2.... hmph~~~

my bak light pecah... bumper pecah.....

ady no butt de la.... nw lagi no butt....

den front wan....duno whch part de water flow out liao....

den mum say wan sell diao d car ady.... T.T

as for me.... i jz sprained my neck....

ntg serius.... stil sane....

nt yt mental disorder....

ntg disengaged from my body..... LOL

Happy 19th, Jie

honestly la....

v r similar bt nt d same.... LOL

when v start noe each other??

well v atuali noe via JIA... hahaha

after getting to noe u better.....

v seems to hav many things in common...

v can talk watever stuff...

n v get d expected answer from each other... ^^

well ofc thr r a few more frens dat v're close with...

bt our bond is nt d same like d others... =D

so now..... i din forget ur bday....

i was jz too tired from d stpd Hari Keusahawanan....

i wan to wish u earlier....

bt i was dating wit Uncle Chow ady... ><

since i cant b d earliest....

den i wil b d LAST.... hehehe....

let me officially end ur 19th Birthday....

u may hav receive ur presents from us...

bt u havent receive present from ME.... hehehe
purposely make it wan... if nt nice, im sorry ><....

姐 ,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

生日快乐！！！

(don't kill me for these photos.... ngek ngek~~)

wish you all the SUPERB....

all the good stuff goes to you....

be even RICHER ~~~ $.$

hehehe....

HAPPY 19th ya ^^... muaks